hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Its about making memories worth repressing
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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