I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
