my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Randomize
