we have pet lesbian snakes
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
