i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
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