my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Randomize
