I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Randomize
