I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
