Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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