So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
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