You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Who died my cat blue again?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
