The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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