apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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