Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
