The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
