I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize