am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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