that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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