So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
