Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
You're a womanizer and a bitch.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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