His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
