mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
