Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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