every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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