Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
