We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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