So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
