My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
It's official drugs can't kill me
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
