its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
