After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
