So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
