they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
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