My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
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