Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
