why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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