yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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