were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
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