i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
