He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
