On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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