anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Randomize
