So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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