So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
