I met the friendliest cop last night
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize