Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
