by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
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let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
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Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
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