His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
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you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
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Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize