I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
So squirting runs in the family.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
