Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
