A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
