Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
