dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
