Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
