Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Two words: blizzard sex
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
