The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
