honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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