so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
