i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
