Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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