I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
