I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
