sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
