he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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