So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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