If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
