Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
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