Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
