his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
