he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Randomize
