he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
