Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
