The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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