Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
We need to get me chipped asap
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
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