I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
