I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
