Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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