can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
