my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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